When I was 20, I spent a summer working at Jordan Lake State Park near Raleigh, North Carolina. It was a beautiful summer and as I worked to help maintain the park, I increasingly spent my days speculating about where I wanted my life to go next. As I prepared to leave at the end of August to return to college in Minnesota, I thought I had it figured out. I told my sister (who I’d been living with) that I was going to meet a nice guy with a cabin in the country, someone I could live a simple life with.

Three days later, I met the man who is now my husband. He owned an acreage and had built a small cabin on it. The cabin was (and still is) off the grid and powered by solar panels. He had been creating the same things in his life that I had been dreaming up in mine. We lived together in that cabin for four years before moving into town. I think we would still be there if I had only been able to keep my head in a positive place, but I started to obsess about how small it was and how hard it was to keep clean. We had a baby and I complained constantly about having no running water or washing machine. I eventually spent all my time dreaming about a house in town and all the modern conveniences it would include.

So here I am now, sitting in our house in town eight years later. We have hot running water, a dishwasher, unlimited electricity, six times as much living space… Does that mean I’m happy? Not necessarily. At times I am. As long as I refrain from focusing on what is lacking or what I wish was different, I feel content.

But it’s funny, now I often wish life was more simple and I miss the quiet time in the country. I tell myself I could have been happy in the cabin, too, if I’d only been able to adjust my state of mind. I’d actually found the Dream Life I’d predicted in our simple cabin and then a few years later I’d created an unhappy life there.

When things take an unexpected turn in the wrong direction it’s easy to come up with a million excuses and start pointing a finger of blame. Mostly, now I appreciate how reflecting on these experiences inspires me to work even harder at being present, to witness my thoughts so that when they turn negative, I can redirect my mind back to what is good and true. Back to the things I really do want to create.

Robin
Decorah, IA

“Is willing to accept that she creates her own reality except for some of the parts where she can’t help but wonder what the hell she was thinking” (Almost New Age by Brian Andreas)